And so today was my birthday. I had to work today, and had a cake brought to me to the office. We laughed, we ate, and we got back to work. Where are my friends? My true friends. My brothers who have been with me since childhood. They’re gone, moved out of this town, I stayed here. Why did I stay? I got Kelly pregnant. My “high school sweetheart” they call her. They do, not I. What a beautiful couple they say. The reality is she stole my life. She refused to abort, she was selfish and chained me to her and this small town. I could have gone to New York or San Fransisco, but remained here instead. Do you know how much money it costs to have a baby delivered in a hospital? Fifty thousand dollars. While my friends invested in their education and moved to places with better opportunity I scrape by to pay for a child I never wanted.
I’m driving back home and listening to songs from the days I was young and free and filled with dreams. My heart sinks. I weep. I hate you Kelly. I hate you. I could have been someone but here I am, stuck with you, stuck in this small town, I could have been somebody. I go to the bar and try to forget myself for a few hours.
I get back home. No one here to greet me. I work all day and there’s no one here to greet me? The lights are off. I am angry. My daughters room has her door open, her night light is on, I walk in and there she sleeps. She’s hugging the stuffed animals I gave her, she tells everyone it’s her favorite because daddy gave it to her. She drew something, I picked it up, it says “Happy Birthday Daddy!” and it’s our family smiling. What time is it? I look at my watch. It’s late. They were waiting for me and I stayed drinking at the bar alone instead. There she sleeps. A tiny little thing. She loves me. She has my eyes, but her mothers smarts. Damn she’s clever. She’s mine, and hers. God I love this little girl. All I want to do is protect her, keep her safe. Kelly made her. Kelly and I. Kelly…
I walk to our room. She’s asleep, I try not to wake her up but she does. She begins to ask me where the hell I’ve been. She’s upset. I deserve it. Where was I? Drinking in the fucking bar alone while my family waited for me. Tears begin to roll down mu cheeks. I’m drunk. I’ve never cried in front of her. Why am I crying? I tell her I’m sorry. I mean it. I’m sorry for today and every other day. I love this woman so much. I hug her and tell her I’m sorry for everything and I love her so damn much. You and our daughter are all that matter. You and our daughter and everything else can go to hell. I love you two so damn much…