I’m a political prisoner you see. I’m a dead man. Not much left in in my hourglass. Not much to do but reminisce.
Once I held power. My word was law. There’s something about power, a satisfaction and pleasure. There are those who don’t have it an envy it from afar. They always make their criticisms about them in their deluded narcissism, in their vain attempts to make themselves important. “Look at him, lording it over us!” They exclaim. Truth is, I never really gave much thought for them. simple pawns, too simple minded to see my end game. There truly is a love for power by him who wields it. For command, how can you give it up once you’ve tasted it? A man loves power like a musician loves his music or a painter his art. It’ an act of creation. Power is a creative exercise. You tell one person to do this, another to do that. There you are managing the whole symphony, and alas your masterpiece is achieved!
But despite my high status, despite my high intellect, I was a fool. Was it Nietzsche who once spoke about the reverse cripples? “Too much of one thing!” he said. And so was I, a reverse cripple. I began my career in technical fields. The problems I solved were purely of a mechanical and linear nature. If a man is to build an airplane, he is following a linear process, albeit a complicated one. Same with an engineer building a bridge. The type of logic one attempts here is by default deductive. By default we have a right answer. As a young man I was molded by my career. I came to make this mode of thinking my default, my only lens for looking at the world. It was my mistake to believe deductive logic had a universal application. To see the world as purely mechanical.
The Germans have a word that roughly translates to “mutually-altering.” “Wecheselwirkung” they call it. Do forgive me if I miss pronounce it. A woman I love once thought me this. I had told her a about a policy I was going to propose. “Wecheselwirkung” she said to me. “If you’re playing a chess match, you may come up with a great plan to defeat your opponent, but if you’re opponent catches a glimpse of your plan, he’ll now act in a new way, making your original plan meaningless.” I didn’t pay much heed to her advice back then, fool that I was.
This simple truth, that we live in an open interrelated system. That the system changes depending on our moves and the nature of the system itself constrains ours. How was I too learn this by building a machine? Perhaps had I spent more time with the women I loved, or at the bar with me fellow men I would have had the insight, but one can’t travel back in time and give advice to his younger self despite wishing it so. And so my days were spent in my study, and tinkering with lifeless machines. Once in power I attempted to alter the nonexistent clockwork orange.
They won’t mention this in any history books, but there was a shadow war to define the fate of our species. We have the European mind to thank for this. It was in the European minds that alchemy was born. And from this trial and error and after some centuries the acknowledgement that it was through science and technology that the goals of the alchemist would be achieved. Science was our knowledge of the world, this knowledge would be applied to technology and create the magical tools we once dreamed of. We first learned how to alter our landscape, then we would alter our food sources through genetic engineering. Finally we reached a point in our power where we could alter humanity itself. The question was not how to alter it, but into what.
What do you believe the Homeric heroes would have molded our species into had they had this power? Or the Athenian philosophers as Plato? What about the proud Norse Viking? Or the Catholic church or an atheist from the Enlightenment or a German Romantic? What would the 20th century Communists or Fascists have created? The question was then, what would we moderns who had this power do?
There was obvious disagreements, to say the least. One part of society would refuse all alterations and decree that evolution should continue it’s course unaided by our technology. A foolish claim, we are to alter our environment and expect that the humans aren’t slowly adapting? The human brain size has been in steep decline since the introduction of agriculture. Our bone mass has declined, so has our muscle mass and androgen levels. Twenty thousand years ago men had testosterone two three or four times higher than those of men today. The introduction or new chemicals, processed food and cell phone and WiFi radiation are all impacting us, not only our DNA but that of the probiotic organisms that make up much of what it means to be human.
There was this other faction that insisted that we should merge with machines. That we could map our brains and load our consciousness into a computer. These were the most dangerous of them all. Computers work on a binary system, our DNA was a four code system, not to mention the regulatory function of RNA. This alone should be enough to discard their idea to shreds. Carbon communication also consists in chemical factors, not only electric. Silicon isn’t the same as carbon. Their plans couldn’t replicate the mere use of hormones and discarded the body as simply a transportation vehicle consciousness could do without. Finally they rest in the fallacy that humans are a single organism, or an individual. The reality is that we are a Hologenome. We are a community or a Holobiont of trillions of individual organism. Consciousness is merely an evolutionary adaptation, it’s prevalent in humans, one could argue it may or may not exist in other primates. We are a community of trillions of human cells and probiotic bacteria working together and consciousness is merely an illusion used to navigate our world, an adaptation that probably arose during our species war with the Neanderthal starting about 200,000 years ago around Palestine.
Therefore what were these people looking to create then? A mere imitation of life. No matter how realistic, no matter how convincing, it was a mere imitation. Carbon based intelligence are pattern-based, founded through a connected network of trillions of eukaryotic and prokaryotic cells working through a four digit code system called DNA. Computers are a binary information processing intelligence. This is a huge difference. Their objective was merely creating an imitation, and replacing us with this imitation. And so, the shadow war I told you about took place. Many of these “scientists” were killed, arrested, or stripped of all positions of power. I was one of the men that lead the charge to victory.
And so, once we won, what then? What would we turn humanity into. Our theories were one thing, but the application was another. My people had consolidated global governance, and there was no opposition to our work. No foreign army or domestic resistance to stop us. But we had our own disagreements. Despite not agreeing in what humanity should turn into, we did coincide that debate wasn’t going to necessarily give us the answer. We had to run experiments and determine what would work and what wouldn’t before we were to choose what would replace our species. We were not going to hold a vote and decide in a romantic ideal that humanity should be X and therefore run to achieve that ideal just to discover we made a fallacy in the way. And so, we were granted unlimited funds and off to work on our experiments we went. This might very well be a multi-generational attempt. I dedicated the rest of my life to this.
There were those among us that wanted to mix human DNA with that of animals and create “superhuman” animal chimeras. Others showed their political ideologies and attempted to create an androgynous species. It wasn’t enough to ignore sexual dimorphism in our species, that is to say the biological differences between the sexes, they wished to truly eliminate it at the biological root. Others had some ideas of mixing the DNA of all races equally just for the sake of it. Others visited the tombs of ancient Greek kings and Roman men of power and seeked to recreate the men who walked in the age of heroes, or brought the Roman people to the heights of power. Others attempted to bring in the mythical “Aryan” master race. While others went to work on the Soviet man, a mindless hive minded automaton modeled by the lies promulgated by Karl Marx and his so called claims of human nature. Others attempted to create new mutations based on their new understanding of how our genome worked. So altering our genes would simply enhance our IQ, or physical strength, and there create superior humans.
I wanted happiness. Humans have been seeking happiness for a long time and yet never achieved it. Perhaps we were not wired for happiness. If we sit in a comfortable chair for the first time we say “Ah, pleasure” but if we stay there long enough the chair will now turn into torture. We love a woman, and after some time she drives us crazy. Why is this? Why does it have to be so? Why can’t we simply be wired for happiness? And that was the objective I seeked to accomplish. I thought to myself I was a good man. I would give my species the gift they always dreamed of. No more need for philosophers. We are to be our own suns despite the storms of life.
Now that I’m older I wonder if Mengele had similar lofty ideals as I, or he was simply a psychopath. I tried my best not to hurt my subjects unnecessarily. I would remind myself that the children I was experimenting with were simply old humanity, something to be discarded and replaced with my masterpiece. The genetically modified subjects were to become my children. I was to be the God of this new world and the old had to be replaced. It was an act of love, I swear it. Over a hundred years of psychology and psychiatry and we had nothing to show for it! In fact some would argue we were worse off than ever before. I would be the one to change this!
My first test subjects were a complete failure. I thought that physical pain was perhaps the foundation of all emotional and psychological pain. I walked into the room to see my genetically modified children to find they had eaten their tongue and fingers or gouged their eyes out. Some of these test subjects made it to adulthood. Sex wasn’t much of a pass time. If you can’t feel pain in your genitals you can’t orgasm either.
I then concluded that physical pain is necessary, and with our medical system as it was, it would never last long anyways. One needed a way to know if the body is engaging in harm. Therefore it was necessary to focus on the brain instead. What are the emotional and psychological sources of pain? why do we experience it? I needed to create changes that permanently increased and maintained dopamine receptors and levels for example. There were much changes in the rewiring of the brain. Did you know that the same neurological pathways that transmit communications to love someone also transmit hate? Perhaps that is why we can hate a lover so quickly after we come to know of a betrayal.
And so, to make a long story short, I tinkered with their brain until I eliminated all sources of pain. I kept two main groups of test subjects: Those who were the original humans, and my creations. My creations in turn would be subject to multiple groups with different changes.
I would run multiple experiments again and again. Make them attach to a pet for example, a fish, a dog or a cat. They would love this animal, since they lived a very socially isolated life. One day they find out that their animal is dead. How do they react? The original humans were always heartbroken, but my creations would react differently. Some would get angry and want to make it come back alive again, others smiled and said he was dead. Others didn’t care.
Once I got the reactions I wanted from these isolated test subjects I began working in groups. I spent almost thirty years of my life experimenting. Do you know what happened? Do you know what was the result of my life work?
My creations. My new humanity that was supposed to be happy and beautiful and kind. What did they do? They just sat there. They just sat as if they had a lobotomy despite having all cognitive faculties intact. Nothing motivated them. They just sat there and their brain just kept pumping dopamine and nothing interested them. They would hardly talk to each other. Almost thirty years of hard work and this, this monstrosity is what I created!
I was feeling quite depressed one day. I was preoccupied with the thoughts in my head, in a sort of trance. I was slowly coming to admit that my life’s work had been for nothing. I was once of the fools with an idealistic future for humanity that couldn’t be achieved. I was going through my day in an automatic trance, I entered of the rooms with the test subjects for the original humans, that is to say a subject that hadn’t had any genetic alteration. I was taking some notes, I’m not sure of what. She then put her little hand on my arm and asked me “doctor, is something wrong? You seem sad today.” She stumped me. She then gave me a hug and asked me if I felt better. I shot of electricity and emotion came over me. I had had no children of my own, I didn’t intend them to be the future. My genetically modified humanity would inherit the earth. But at that moment, I saw her as my daughter, and I came to be inundated with a deep love for every single one of the original human subjects. Her piety you see, came from an understanding of sadness. And it was this understanding of having experienced sadness and suffering that empathy, and true love came about.
I thanked her, and looked at her with tears in my eyes and told her how much I loved her, and meant it. I don’t know if anyone else had ever given her a compliment. I know I hadn’t, but the staff members? They mistreated them, I know that. But what they did behind my back I would never know.
I left the room and went to my creations. There they sat, watching television, too unmotivated to even play video games. Their bodes a fat blob. Were these my angels!?
I went back to my studio to drink and meditate. I hated myself. I wanted to create a human that would know nothing but happiness. “Eternal sunshine” I thought in my foolish ideal. But eternal sunshine kills all life. We need night, and storms. We need volcanoes to erupt and after their violent upraise a new fertile valley will flourish. “Eternal sunshine kills all life…” and my creations were in fact soulless and dead inside. It was the original human test subjects who were alive, who I had made suffer in my foolish pursuit of an unattainable dream!
I wept and in a rage shouted “IF THERE IS A GOD STRIKE ME DEAD NOW!!! Please have piety on my and don’t let me live on with this shame…”
But no one answered.
I was in a government facility. No matter what I did the children would never be saved. In order to keep them alive I would have to continue my experimenting with them indefinitely. Go on attempting to break them emotionally and psychologically and measure their reactions and contrast it with that of my soulless monsters.
I visited with everyone of the children. I wanted them to feel valued for the first time of their life. To have some dignity. I complimented them on their traits. Ingenuity, for their friendship with their peers, for their heroism, or tolerance, or intelligence or good heart. I told every one of them why they were unique and valuable. And I told them I loved them, and they had thought me in my old age and decades of study, what it meant to be a human. I told them I was honored to have them call me friend.
With that done I murdered the staff I knew would continue the project with me gone. I leaked some gas and burned most of the place down. My monsters were burned alive, as they twitched in pain, they screamed but there was no lamentation or understanding of the tragedy in their screeches. They didn’t care to die.
I believe I got most of my monsters dead. I passed out before I finished the job, too much smoke. I wanted to end my life with everyone down there, with all the staff, with all the test subjects, human and monsters alike. I’ve not been told if I’ve succeed. I woke up in this cell and no one has explained to me anything. No one has asked me why either.
What would I tell them? My colleagues and I were all wrong. To maintain biological life is not the preservation of the human spirit. Humanity should be left unchanged. We are haunted by our ideals and foolish dreams and are merely reverse cripples that do no understand this world in it’s multilayered complexities. We are still fools despite all we’ve accomplished. This dream of ours is the death of our species no matter what road we take, what will replace us is not a continuation nor an enhancement. All our Utopian dreams were the fantasies of fools. Our quest for unending happiness a chimera that would mean the end of our humanity. The Greeks were right in inventing tragedy. It is our suffering that bonds us together, that makes us come to tears and embrace each other and love each other. It is one of the pillars for the existence of our soul. “Eternal sunshine kills all life” I would tell them. But who will listen?
